Story Of A Man With A Lizard In His Leg

Do not mess with lizards unless you are professional, or they will f*ck you up bad like this guy

We get a call one day from a local urget care. “There is a man here with a lizard in his leg.” Naturally, we assume we’ve misheard

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We get to the urget care. We explain that we are Reptile Rescue. We are shown to a room where a bloody man is lying on a cot

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There are like, eight people in the room with him, staring in horror and awe. Naturally, we are confused. There is no lizard. Just blood

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The lizard sticks his head out of the hole in the dude’s actual f*cking leg and hissed at us

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What!!! It is in his leg!!!

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So asshole had gone camping on Mt. Diablo, in an area where he wasn’t suppose to be

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An alligator lizard got into his tent. He lost his sh*t, and decided to stab the lizard, while it was on his leg

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He missed the lizard but did not miss the leg

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Alligator lizards love holes. They run right for it to get the f*ck away form assh*les with knives

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Once inside dude’s leg, the alligator lizard refused to come out

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We spent about 5 minutes discussing how to best extract a angry alligator lizard from a dude’s leg

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I asked for a pair of gloves and walked over to the dude

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I stuck my finger in front of the alligator lizard’s mouth. I aws challenging him

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The alligator lizard promptly bit the sh*t out of my thumb

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Once he was clamped down good and hard, I pilled it right out of the dude

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The end

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